“That’s Just Who I Am”. The phrase that shuts down feedback.
One phrase. Two interpretations. One big blind spot.
We’ve all heard it:
“That’s just who I am.”
Sometimes said with confidence.
Other times with defensiveness.
And most of the time, it signals: “Don’t expect me to change.”
On the surface, it sounds like a bold claim of authenticity—a declaration of self. And in some ways, it is.
But in leadership, this phrase often gets interpreted as a fixed mindset in disguise—an unwillingness to adapt, grow, or evolve.
When was the last time you said, “That’s just who I am”—and meant, “I’m not changing”?
WHY IT GETS A BAD RAP
It can feel like you're standing firm in your values when you say "That’s just who I am". But to others, especially in leadership settings, it often lands as:
❌ A wall against feedback
❌ A dodge from accountability
❌ A sign of emotional rigidity (you're done growing)
In my research, I explored how emotional intelligence (EI)—especially emotional self-awareness and emotional reasoning—is foundational for emerging leaders to manage themselves and others effectively. Those low in these areas often resist feedback or struggle to adapt—sometimes without realizing it.
So when a leader says “That’s just who I am” and stops there, it signals a low EI moment—a potential gap in self-awareness and self-management.
PARADIGM SHIFT
But what if… “That’s just who I am” didn’t mean “I refuse to change,” …but instead meant:
“I know my wiring. I lead from self-awareness—and I’m always evolving.”
That’s not a fixed mindset. That’s a growth-minded identity.
My research found that millennial managers with higher emotional intelligence were more likely to express strong non-calculative and affective motivation to lead—in other words, they stepped into leadership not for power or prestige, but because they felt called to lead others, even if it was hard.
That kind of internal motivation is only sustainable when a leader is willing to grow—not hide behind identity.
REFRAME YOUR NARRATIVE
Instead of saying this phrase to end the conversation, let it be your starting point for evolution:
Research Insights: Emotional intelligence + Motivation to Lead
My research revealed a key insight that applies directly here:
“Leaders who lack emotional self-awareness and self-management are less likely to adapt leadership behaviors—and more likely to default to static identity claims” (Hill, 2021).
In contrast, emotionally intelligent leaders don’t excuse poor behavior as personality. They identify their patterns, and—through affective motivation—seek out growth and responsibility even when it costs them.
Authenticity is the fuel. Self-awareness is the GPS. Growth is the destination.
🚨LEADERSHIP BLIND SPOT
Eroding team trust
Stalling their influence
Modeling emotional inflexibility
My research also highlighted the organizational need to
Authenticity ≠ Inflexibility
True leadership is grounded in identity but guided by adaptability
“That’s just who I am” should be a starting point—not a finish line
NEXT STEP FOR YOU...
This week, if you catch yourself thinking or saying:
“That’s just who I am,” ask yourself: “Am I saying this to stand in my truth—or to stay in my comfort zone?”
The best leaders don’t change who they are–they grow into who they were meant to become.
LEAD BETTER.
