From Egotistical to Enlightened: How to Conquer a Crippling Leadership Trait
From Egotistical to Enlightened: How to Conquer a Crippling Leadership Trait
The Ego versus Emotional Intelligence
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Let’s get real about a major blind spot: leading with ego versus emotional intelligence.
The Ego Trap
At first glance, a strong ego is an asset in leadership. In fact, you might think having a big ego makes you a great leader.
Think again!
Most egotistical people in leadership positions aren't self-aware enough to realize their ego is killing their teams and culture—a killer blind spot!
While confidence and decisiveness can be influential, an unchecked ego will derail your leadership influence. A big ego leads to cancerous friction across a company.
Dr. Shelby’s Story
Pretty early in my career, I used to think being assertive and always sounding like I had the 'right' answers were the keys to effective leadership. As an athlete, my assertiveness pushed teammates to practice harder so we would perform our best during game time. (Although we never won a State championship, we had winning seasons.)
When I graduated college and started working in the real world, I often mistook assertiveness for effectiveness. I believed that showing vulnerability or admitting mistakes would undermine my authority. That was my mindset nearly twenty years ago.
Unfortunately, for many in leadership positions, this limited mindset is still pervasive today. For me, this mindset led to a few career-limiting issues:
Isolation: I found it hard to connect genuinely with my team. (The emperor has no clothes.)
Bad Decisions: My decisions were often influenced by a need to be right rather than what was best for the team. (No one had my back.)
High Turnover: Talented team members left because they felt undervalued and unheard. (I never got feedback on how to improve anything.)
The Influence of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the antidote to an overbearing ego. It encompasses self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.
Here's how shifting from ego to EI transformed my leadership:
Authentic Connection: I built stronger, more genuine relationships with my team by understanding and managing my emotions.
Better Decision-Making: EI allowed me to consider diverse perspectives, leading to more balanced and effective decisions.
Improved Retention: Because team members trusted that I cared and would actively listen to their perspectives, they felt valued and understood, which boosted morale and reduced turnover.
Recognizing and accepting that my ego wasn't serving me as it once did as an athlete, I pivoted and did essential intrinsic development to evolve as an individual and professional who is self-aware and mindful of others' career needs and aspirations. I'm cured!
Practical Tips to Shifting from Ego to EI
Practice Self-Awareness: Reflect on your emotions and their impact. Try journaling.
Seek Feedback: Encourage your team to give honest feedback and listen without defensiveness. You must create a safe space for people to share without fear of reprisal.
Cultivate Empathy: Understand your team's emotions and perspectives. Active listening helps.
Promote Open Communication: Create a safe space for your team to express their thoughts.
Leading with emotional intelligence over ego isn't just good for your team—it's a game-changer for personal growth. Embrace EI and watch your leadership transform.
Thank you for reading! I invite you to share your experiences.
Have you faced challenges due to ego-driven leadership?
How did you overcome them?
Your stories could inspire and guide others facing similar struggles. Join the conversation in the comments below.
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